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When refinement is an endangered feces in a Haifa suburb

On Shabbat we took the kids to the zoo up north in Kiryat Motzkin. Our expectations were not that high. I mean honestly – this the “Krayot” (the suburbs of Haifa) we’re talking about. What good could come out of the polluted, stenchy, filled-with-asthma-sufferers Krayot? Before I left I jotted down the number of an animal rights organization, just in case.

But lo and behold – the zoo was a delight. Well-kept, clean, orderly, well planned. To make it short, it’s top-notch. The only thing that bothered me were the Israeli monkeys. When I reprimanded one of the Israeli monkeys for feeding the real monkeys Bamba, they bit me.

“Where does it say I can’t feed them?” she gazed at me over her fake Dolce and Gabbana shades bought in Shuk HaCarmel for 25 shekels, tops.

“Ummm… just about every 2 meters on the fence in front of you,” I answered back, as I glanced at the reflection of my bald head that showed up quite clearly in her huge, fake shades, bigger than bus windows.

She glanced at me, gave her baby monkey some Bamba, who proceeded to throw it at the real monkeys.

I’m pretty sure that when I passed behind her, I heard a grunt.

Anyway, the zoo was nice. As we headed home, we began admiring Motzkin. “It’s not too shabby. Way cleaner than Bat Yam,” the missus said. I nodded in agreement.

And then we saw this sign, put up by the city council. We saw it in various parks around the town.

It reads:

SHIT!

I stepped on it again

Warning to dog owners!

730 shekels fine!

Isn’t it a shame?

Yeah, I hear ya. You’re saying “Ami, you’re too sensitive.” or “‘Shit’ in Israel isn’t like ‘shit’ in the States, it’s more like ‘bummer!’”

I beg to differ. True, it’s not as harsh as in an English-speaking country. But still… where’s the finesse?

I’ll tell you: Finesse is “out” in Motzkin. Passé.

An endangered feces.

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    COMMENTS

    1. Andrew

      Do settlers get a discount?

      Reply to Comment
    2. Shelly

      There is a story about a man who works in a candy factory who falls into a vat of steaming chocolat. He screams for help, “FIRE” !! Because he knew that if he screamed “CHOCOLATE”, no one would come to save him. The parallel here is obvious. True, “Shit” lacks refinement – but it’s surely an attention getter and much more so than something like “Excrement” or “Fecal Matter.”

      Reply to Comment
    3. Jeremy

      Shouldn’t shit in Israel be called “Holy Shit?”

      Reply to Comment
    4. ChicagosMonster

      I actually LOLed. At 2:44 AM, I also may have woken others up. Nice article.

      Reply to Comment
    5. Saw those signs, and tried to quickly usher my kids past, thankful their Hebrew isn’t good enough to figure out that it’s not Hebrew at all. :-/
      Meanwhile, we enjoyed the zoo immensely. Far better, in my opinion, than the big one we shlepped an hour to in Haifa before we discovered this one, literally 10 minutes away.

      Reply to Comment