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U.S.: 'Ya’alon surprised us - Israel never bit the hand that feeds it before'

Anonymous sources in the Obama administration have told +972 magazine they have no clue how to respond to Defense Minister Ya’alon’s remarks about Secretary of State Kerry. (Satire)

President Obama and Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu at Ben-Gurion airport (photo: Avi Ochayon / Government Press Office)

WASHINGTON — One day after Israeli Defense Minister Moshe (Bogie) Ya’alon said that Secretary John Kerry is “messianic and obsessed,” sources in the U.S. administration told +972 Magazine they “did not see THAT coming. Whoa.”

The source said that until now, Israel had always known its place on the totem pole. “They basically owe their existence to us, so that’s why they’ve always done what we’ve asked them to.”

“For example,” a senior White House staffer explained, “when we told them to stop building in the West Bank, they immediately brought the construction to a halt. To my recollection, this is the first time Israel has bitten the hand that feeds it. And that’s a no-no. We won’t take that sitting down. Nuh-uh.”

Another source said that, “seeing as how the relations between President Obama and Prime Minister Netanyahu have always been so great, we’re surprised to suddenly see this attitude from Jerusalem. I mean, everything up until now has shown that Israel knows who’s running the show around here.”

Indeed, looking back at the relations between the two countries, Israel has over the years always shown the utmost respect and compliance with its “big brother” from the West.

Another senior administration in the Oval Office said that relations had grown even closer recently during efforts to curb Iran’s nuclear program. “I mean, we were totally in sync with these guys – what the fuck happened?” he asked.

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    1. mt noise

      Relations between Obama and Netanyahu were great? There was agreement about what to do with Iran?

      Who are these idiots?

      I especially love the bit about biting the hand that feeds you. If that’s the kind of respect the White House is showing I hope there is a lot more biting involved.

      Reply to Comment
    2. greg nichols

      Was this a news “spoof.” I don’t understand. Israel is generally respectful of the U.S.?

      Reply to Comment
    3. Dear Greg and Noise,

      Please read the subhead (in bold and italic) closely. Particularly the last word.

      Reply to Comment
    4. Simon Wolfendale

      Thank’s Ami. *shakes head in despair*

      Reply to Comment
    5. Khaled Khalid

      America’s denial of the obvious and its “Battered Wife Syndrome.”

      Reply to Comment
    6. Peter Lake

      Thankyou +972 for my first ‘belly-laugh’ or ‘LOL’ of the day.
      Brilliant satire

      Reply to Comment
    7. Igor

      I wonder what Izzy has to say…

      Reply to Comment