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Matt Lee

  • Forget Friedman. The State Dept doesn't know how much of the West Bank is occupied either

    While disavowing the American ambassador's erroneous assertion that only 2% of the West Bank is occupied by Israel, the State Department spokesperson isn't able to answer how much of the territory is actually occupied. (Hint: All of it.) U.S. Ambassador to Israel David Friedman caused a small stir Thursday by erroneously stating that Israel only occupies 2 percent of the West Bank. The Israeli army rules over the entirety of the West Bank under military law, of course, making it 100-percent occupied. [tmwinpost] The truth of the matter is that nobody took Friedman’s remarks all that seriously, although the whole…

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  • When Israel grabs land, the U.S. grabs a thesaurus [satire]

    The U.S. State Department spokesperson and her deputy are finding it difficult to  continue condemning Israeli plans to build more settlements in the West Bank. Marie Harf, Deputy State Department Spokesperson: Hi Jen. Jen Psaki, State Department Spokesperson: Hi Marie, sup? Harf: Not much. Hey, did you see Obama’s suit? Psaki: I know, right?? What’s UP with THAT? Harf: I literally spilled my vente pumpkin spice latte. Psaki: I know, right?? Anyway, sup? Harf: So, the Israelis announced they’re gonna do this huge land appropriation. Psaki: Fuck. Not again. Harf: I know, right?? Psaki: So listen, type me up something…

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  • State Department stumbles: If not apartheid, then what?

    Asked what word Secretary Kerry would have used in place of 'apartheid,' his use of which stirred up a small storm in the U.S. this week, the State Department is hard pressed to give an answer. U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and the State Department on Tuesday were scrambling to diffuse the storm that erupted following Kerry’s warning that absent a two-state solution, Israel risks becoming an apartheid state. Following the publication of that speech, Kerry put out a statement that fell far short of a retraction: I have been around long enough to also know the power of…

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