Israeli media reports that Jewish settlers are complaining the tear gas from the weekly Friday demos across the West Bank is ruining their Sabbaths. +972 is revealing today that in fact this is a result of a new Palestinian strategy to be shot at during not only Fridays, but ahead of every holiday on the Jewish calendar.
As reported this week, settlers in the West Bank are complaining that tear gas fired at Palestinians during weekly unarmed protests gets carried by the wind to their settlements and creates major discomfort for them on Fridays.
But +972 has found out that this is only the tip of the iceberg. According to anonymous sources, Palestinians are planning to demonstrate on the eve of every Jewish holiday, besides Erev Shabbat, to make the chag as unbearable as they can.
27-year-old “M”, from Nabi Saleh, told +972: “We are interested in making the settlers suffer as much as possible, so we have decided to meet the army head-on every, how you call it – Erev Chag? Inshallah the army will pound us with as much gas as possible. I hope I nearly suffocate.”
When asked what would happen if the gas would drift into his village and not the nearby settlement, M responded: “It’s a chance we’re willing to take. If this Shavuot we manage to make one cheese cake bring tears to a family’s eyes – our job is done.”
“A”, 34, from Bilin: “We will demonstrate this Shavuot, and Tisha B’av and Rosh Hashana! I will go straight up to the IDF jeeps and risk a rubber bullet if it means a settler may whiff some tear gas! I am willing to risk my life so that next Channukah the settlers will cry over every latke they fry.”
Settlers are already reacting to the news, asking the IDF to respond appropriately. “We demand the IDF cease shooting tear gas canisters at high arcs, since the gas floats much more easily that way in our direction,” said Yehuda Cohen from Halamish. “If the IDF truly cares about Jews and their holidays, they’ll shoot the canisters directly at their bodies, with no arc at all.”
Yocheved Bar-Yehuda, also of Halamish, said that “I swear to God, if my cheese strudel with raisins, from my grandmother’s recipe who survived Auschwitz, even smells of tear gas – I will personally erect a new outpost and call it ‘Givat Cheese,’ or ‘Maale Strudel’.”
The IDF responded, “our guidelines for tear gas fire have not changed: direct fire at Palestinians is allowed only after every B’Tselem camera has been broken. We’re not taking any chances, even if it means some holiday tears.”
(The above is satire)