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'Nation-state law' may end Arab grip on Jewish-Israeli society [satire]

Public and private sector Arab leaders in Israel fear the new basic law could threaten their long-standing economic, cultural and political dominance in the Jewish state. (Satire)

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Photo: Kobi Gideon / GPO)

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Photo: Kobi Gideon / GPO)

The Jewish Nation-State law, a new bill that the Netanyahu government is pushing through the Knesset could bring about the end to their political domination over Jews in Israeli society since the state was founded in 1948, Arab leaders are warning.

Mohamed el-Rasmi from Sakhnin told +972: “We’re really worried. We’ve been dominating Israeli politics since 1948. What now? We won’t have any more Arab ministers? No Arab minister of defense? Of treasury? Of education? The thought alone makes me shudder. If we have no representation in government, we’ll basically be second-class citizens!”

Over the past few days, +972 Magazine spoke to various leaders in both the public and private Arab sectors about the new bill and its consequences. There seems to be a wide consensus that the outcome could be quite grave.

Hamdan Younis, a businessman from Taibeh, said he fears for his livelihood. “It’s always been the Younis’ and 11 other Arab families making money off of the land’s resources. The water, the phosphates, the gas in the Mediterranean. We’ve been screwing the 99 percent over for decades – why does it have to stop now? Why? Because we own the media? Is that it?!”

“What will happen to all the Arab cities in planning?” asked Mustafa Mahmid, who owns a large construction company in Tira. “New Arab towns have popped up like mushrooms after the rain until now – where does this leave me? Will they stop approving new towns? You know what this will mean, don’t you. We’ll have to live basically on top of each other, with sewage running in the streets! When’s the last time you saw an Arab town like that!?” he added, enraged.

Fadi Jabarin, minister of education, believes the law could have an astounding effect on the Israeli school curriculum. “I am afraid that if this bill turns into law, Israelis will stop learning about the Nakba. They might even stop learning about Arabs at all. What will they learn about then? The Holocaust? Bar Kochva? Bialik? After all these years Israelis have been studying and quoting Mahmoud Darwish, wouldn’t that be a shame?” said Jabarin.

Other leaders expressed concern for the more basic and symbolic. Interior Minister Mahmoud Majadli said he fears of an inevitable change to the nation’s symbols. “What now? Will they take the crescent off the national flag? It looks so nice next to the Star of David. And what about the national anthem? Are you actually telling me that from now on the national anthem will only be about Jews? No mention of us? How can I sing that? I love singing our anthem, and I’ve been told I have a really nice voice.”

(This article is satire.)

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    1. Seriously, this Arab hegemony has got to be stopped. And another thing, would you please release your grip on the US? The CAIR-sponsored trips to Gaza for US Senators and members of congress has got to end!

      Reply to Comment
    2. Ben Zakkai

      Yes, it is very hard to fathom what are the existential threats to the Jewish character of the State of Israel that the “Jewish Nation” law, in all its various formulations, is designed to counter. Are the potato pancakes and jelly doughnuts we eat on Hanukkah not oily enough? Are not enough people kissing mezuzot in public buildings? Is there shatnez at the mall? Can I still say Oy Vey?

      Reply to Comment
      • Ben Zakkai

        Although my sober second thought is that perhaps the “Jewish Nation” law’s proponents are also planning to annex some or all of the West Bank, and they think they’ll have to grant Israel citizenship to at least some of the Palestinians there, so they’re trying to armor up the Jewish character of the State before that happens. But maybe I’m just being paranoid.

        Reply to Comment
        • Ben Zakkai

          Well, if I’m paranoid, at least I’m in good company: Gideon Levy’s column this morning makes the same point. The “Jewish Nation” law, he writes, is unnecessary if Israelis are planning to settle for a Jewish state on the Israeli side of the Green line, which would have a large Jewish majority; it’s only necessary for an Israeli apartheid regime that intends to rule “Greater Israel” without ever granting rights to Palestinians.

          Reply to Comment
          • Brian

            Exactly, Ben. You and Gideon connect the dots correctly.

            Reply to Comment
    3. Danny

      Netanyahu’s demagoguery is absolutely astounding, and his ability to sell bullshit to the masses is really second to none, and must be admired even by anti-zionists like me. The left in Israel is so out of its element against him that I don’t think they even realize it.

      What I don’t understand, however, is how this man is still not persona non grata in every world capital (except Washington, of course, which is an unofficial Israeli settlement).

      Reply to Comment