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Izzie in HolyLand - Part 23: Europe can go shtup themselves

Izzie in HolyLand is back after the Europeans decide to go all the way with their response to building in E1 and… reprimand!


Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Prime Minister David Cameron for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Cameron: Ms. Holyland?

Izzie: Yes, David, how are you?

Cameron: I’m good, I’m good. Thank you.

Izzie: Mazel Tov on the baby.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Izzie: The baby, the baby! You know, Katie and Will’s?

Cameron: Ah, of course. Yes, yes. Thank you so much Ms. Holyland. If I may, I’m calling you on another topic.

Izzie: Sure, go ahead.

Cameron: I’m afraid you can’t just go and build in E1, it’s the end of the two-state solution, it means the end of the peace process basically. So, I’m going to have to ask you to retract these plans immediately.

Izzie: F-ck you.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘F-ck you.’

Cameron: OK.



Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Rajoy: Senora Holyland?

Izzie: Si, senor Rajoy.

Rajoy: You ken col me Mariano.

Izzie: Sure thing, Mario.

Rajoy: No, es ‘Mariano.’

Izzie: Yeah, I said that. What can I do for you?

Rajoy: Eschuchame, senora Holyland, la construccion in zona de E1 —

Izzie: —Did you just call me a ‘zona’?

Rajoy: No, I was saying that la zona E1—

Izzie: Chingate.

Rajoy: Perdon?

Izzie: I said, ‘chingate.’

Rajoy: OK.



Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, President Francois Hollande for you on line 1.

Izzie: OK.

Hollande: Madame Holyland?

Izzie: Oui, c’est moi Francois.

Hollande: Comment allez-vous?

Izzie: Bon, et vous Francois?

Hollande: Please, call me Monsieur Hollande.

Izzie: But you are from France.

Hollande: Veree funee, Madame Holyland. Zis is ze ferst time I heer zis a jock. Now, si vous plait, I must ask you to arrete ze beelding in ze E1.

Izzie: Vas te faire enculi.

Hollande: Pardon?

Izzie: I said, ‘Vas te faire enculi.’

Hollande: OK.



Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Fredrik Reinfeldt for you on line 1.

Izzie: Who?

Ruthie: The Swede.

Izzie: The guy from the Muppets?

Ruthie: No, their Prime Minister.

Izzie: OK.

Reinfeldt: Ms. Holyland?

Izzie: Fan ta dig

Reinfeldt: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘Fan ta dig.’

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Now sit.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Roll over.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Play dead.

Reinfeldt: OK.

Izzie: Good boy.



Izzie: Yes Ruthie?

Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, Helle Thorning-Schmidt for you on line 1.

Izzie: Who?

Ruthie: The Danish.

Izzie: Oh! With frosting?

Ruthie: No, she’s their prime minister.

Izzie: Oh. Then tell her ‘Knep dig selv!’

Ruthie: Excuse me?

Izzie: I said ‘Knep dig selv!’

Ruthie: OK.

Izzie: And get me Lieberman. I’m bored.


(Izzie in HolyLand)

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    1. Anonymous

      And you wonder why no one takes the Israeli left seriously any more.

      Reply to Comment
    2. I do?

      Reply to Comment
    3. You know who I don’t take seriously any more? Anonymous cowards.

      Reply to Comment
      • Anonymous

        Comment deleted. If you want to comment on my channel, grow a pair and use your name.

        Reply to Comment
      • Y-Man

        exactly. Right wingers are jealous because they’re too misanthropic to create actually good satire.

        Reply to Comment
    4. Khaled Khalid

      At most genuine liberals and leftists now seem only 20% of the population.
      It seems the former Soviet Russians (ironically) have changed Israel from a country with a leftist profile into an Israeli Tea Party Confederate State like Alabama.
      The liberals/Leftists lost Israel to the baby making machines of right wing zealots by creating demographic facts on the ground.

      Reply to Comment
      • HobbsJones

        exactly,could not have stated fact any better..

        Reply to Comment
      • Aaron Goldnerd

        Khaled Khalid, you have hit the nail on the demographic head! No doubt the reflux of Russian Jews has made the once beautiful Israel into a horrible place, full of ugly apartment blocks and rubble, much like that toilet, Russia, itself! Mind you the demographic shift on the ‘other’ side hasn’t been much better, Aluuh Akbar! Social Darwinism seems to have won the day! Armageddon outta here!

        Reply to Comment
    5. El Facialista

      Rajoi will not quite understand “chíngate”. First of all, “chíngate” it’s only said in stupid GrandTheftAuto IV.

      More accurate would be Hazte chingar= get fucked. Neverless, “chingar” is a Mexican word, not Spaniard.
      For Rajoi the right expression would be: “hazte follar”. Follar, is the right word in Spain.
      Chingar only makes sense in Mexico, nor in Spain, neither in any other Hispanoamerican country.

      Reply to Comment
      • Oriol2

        Any Spaniard would understand that “hazte follar” is an insult, but anyway it’s not a usual idiom. Much better: “Vete a tomar por culo” or “A la puta mierda” -at least if you try to use Spain’s Spanish-. Anyway, this “chíngate” is also good satyre, given the fact that most foreigners who try to speak vulgar Spanish in Spain are usually ridiculed as only being capable of using poor imitations of Latino, or sometimes even of Spaniard slang. By the way, I love your rendition of Mr. Rajoy’s English 😉

        Reply to Comment
    6. For some strange reason, I think that these conversations may have really taken place???? Thanks Ami.

      Reply to Comment
    7. etinzon

      Please add the USA. Then it would be REALLY FUNNY

      Reply to Comment
    8. ruth

      There is no such word as enculi!
      “Vas te faire foutre” or “vas te faire enculer” Meaning go fuck yourself or better have someone do it to you. Beware of Google Translate!

      Reply to Comment