Ring, ring!!!! (Actually, it happens to be the Pina Colada ringtone….)
Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, I’ve been trying to call you for weeks, where are you? The +972 readers are complaining, and the cellular company says your number is unavailable. Are you OK?
Izzie: Yeah, Ruthie. I’m fine. I’m in my mamad, that’s probably why there wasn’t any reception.
Ruthie: Mam, why are you in your mamad?
Izzie: Oh, no reason really. Spring cleaning, I guess.
Ruthie: But it’s autumn.
Izzie: Ruthie! Is there a specific reason you called me?!?! I’m busy!!
Ruthie: Yes, Ms. Holyland, sorry. There’s a call from the White House, I’m putting him through.
Obama: Hey Izzie.
Izzie: Baracky!!! How are you sweety pie?
Obama: Yeah, OK. Listen, I can’t hear you too well, are you on a cellphone?
Izzie: Yeah, I’m in my mamad. Sorry.
Obama: Your muhmad? What’s a muhmad?
Izzie: It’s pronounced mamad, Baracky. And I don’t have time to explain, just Google it. Or click on this.
Obama: OK. Anyway, I guess you heard about the UNESCO vote a few hours ago. Listen, I might not cancel American funding after all.
Obama: I said, “I might not cancel American funding to UNESCO after all”.
Obama: Izzie, could you step out of the muhmad a second and listen to me???
Izzie: I’m not in a friggin’ muhmad – it’s pronounced mamad, dammit!! And I heard you very well the first time!
Izzie takes out her other cellphone and begins texting away
Obama: Izzie, are you with me?
Izzie: Yea, just a sec…
Obama: What are you doing?
Izzie: Nothing, nothing. Just give me sec…
Izzie: OK, done.
Obama: Cool. So, anyway — wait, someone’s at the door.
Izzie whispers to herself: “I know Baracky, I know…”
Obama can be heard in the background: “Lee! How are ya? Come on in! Wait, watcha got there Lee? Lee, put the gun down. PUT! THE GUN! DOWN!”
Obama: Listen, Izzie, I gotta go. Lee Rosenberg from AIPAC just walked in.”
Izzie: Oh, really? Say hi from me, OK?
Obama: Yeah, yeah bye!
(Rosenberg in the background: “You listen, and you listen close you little freak. You’re gonna cut the funds to that anti-semitic UN bunch of hoodlums… or else”)
Izzie hangs up, smiling. Finishes up the cleaning. A few minutes later the phone rings again.
Ruthie: Ms. Holyland, it’s the White House again.
Izzie: Put him through.
Izzie: Baracky! You missed me baby honey bunch?
Obama: Ummm, sure Izzie.
Izzie: Good. Did everything work out with Lee?
Obama: Yea, yeah. You don’t have to worry about that UNESCO stuff, I’ll stop the cash flow.
Izzie: I know.
Obama: You know?
Izzie: I mean, I knew you’d be there for me munchkin.
Obama: Yeah, whatever. Listen, I looked up that mamad thing on Google. Is there something you wanna tell me?
Izzie: Me? Why? What?
Obama: I dunno, about Iran maybe? Something like that?
Izzie: Iran? Oh Baracky, don’t be silly!!!!
Obama: OK… I’ll keep in touch.
Izzie: Bye Baracky!!!!
Izzie hangs up, looks at her clean mamad with great satisfaction, and calls Ruthie back
Izzie: Ruthie? Call Ehud. Tell him I’m ready.
Miss Izzie? Don’t even know who she is? For more Izzie in HolyLand posts, press here