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Israeli website: 77 must-do activities before Iran kills us all

After the Iran deal, Israel’s days are surely numbered. So before the nuclear holocaust descends upon us, one Israeli website is suggesting you break out your bucket list and start checking things off. The result is funnier than you might think.

Illustrative photo of nuclear war (Shutterstock.com)

Illustrative photo (Shutterstock.com)

Like many other societies embroiled in protracted violent conflict, Israel is known for a tasteless — yet often-times hilarious — ability to find humor in even the most mortal dangers. “The Iranian threat,” and the potential for assured destruction Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has assured us it brings, has proved to be an especially fruitful source of comedic relief.

Then, on Tuesday, the unthinkable happened. The P5+1 reached a deal with “the ayatollahs.” End times are upon us. Somebody had to up their game. What is an apocalypse without a listicle? That, it seems, is what at least one culture editor at Israeli news site Walla! was thinking on Wednesday. The website published an article titled: “77 things you need to do before Iran kills us all with an atomic bomb.”

The article continues (my translation):

The nuclear deal signed with Iran and the world powers undoubtedly indicates the approaching end of the State of Israel as we know it. We compiled a list for you of the ultimate missions every person must accomplish before death. See you on the other side!

We won’t bore you with all 77, so here is a top 7:

1. Get a European passport and use it to visit Tehran

(Illustrative photo by Shutterstock.com)

(Illustrative photo by Shutterstock.com)

2. See films about the Nakba at the [Tel Aviv] Cinemateque before [Culture Minister] Miri Regev censors everything

Illustrative photo by Shutterstock.com

Illustrative photo by Shutterstock.com

3. Break a court-imposed gag order

Illustrative photo by Activestills.org

Illustrative photo by Activestills.org

4. Approve new connection requests on LinkedIn

Courtesy photo

Courtesy photo

5. Find a normal apartment in Tel Aviv, just so you can feel like it’s possible

Photo of tent protests over housing prices in Tel Aviv in 2011, by Activestills.org

Photo of 2011 tent protests over housing prices in Tel Aviv, by Activestills.org

6. See Neil Young, Elvis Costello, Lauryn Hill and all of the artists who canceled their concerts in Israel [because of the boycott]

Neil Young — by Adrian M. Buss; Lauryn Hill — by Brennan Schnell; Elvis Costello — by Marco Annunziata (All photos CC license)

Neil Young — by Adrian M. Buss; Lauryn Hill — by Brennan Schnell; Elvis Costello — by Marco Annunziata (All photos CC license)

7. Finally let go of our Holocaust complex before we are annihilated again

In his 2009 speech to the United Nations, Prime Minister Netanyahu uses a Nazi blueprint of the Auschwitz concentration camp, signed by Heinrich Himmler. (UN Photo/Amanda Voisard)

In his 2009 speech to the United Nations, Prime Minister Netanyahu uses a Nazi blueprint of the Auschwitz concentration camp, signed by Heinrich Himmler. (UN Photo/Amanda Voisard)

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    1. Ben

      I’m delighted to see that the comedians (Noa Angel and Ido Kenan) Michael links to appreciate Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd as much as I do and appreciate the rich potential for analogy.

      Reply to Comment
      • Gustav

        Comrade Benny’s brief…

        Spread as much anti Israel propaganda as you can, and whitewash the SaintPalestinians…

        …if engaged in debate, try and win the debate by bluffing, lying and ignoring context…

        …if you fail to win the debate, then obfuscate and dumb down the discussion by rabbiting on about Bugs Benny, Elmer Fudd and Seinfeld…

        …if all else fails, unleash the sock puppets…

        Nice going, Bugs Benny.

        Reply to Comment
        • Gustav

          Here is an example how Benny attempts to bluff in his debates…


          It started like this…

          1. Benny claimed that the Palestinian Arabs only want a symbolic right of return.

          2. I reminded Benny of Abbas’s point blank rejection of saving refugees from Syrian camps if it would involve them having to give up their so called right of return (ROR).

          3. I reminded Benny that such a rejection meant condemning many of those refugees to death.

          4. I then made the point that such an attitude does not bode well about Abbas’s willingness to settle for ONLY a symbolic ROR.

          5. As a further emphasis, I reminded Benny about Abbas’s reaction to Olmert’s peace offer, as recounted by Condi Rice in her memoirs. According to her, he responded by bringing up the 4 million refugees and that he can’t agree to the return of ONLY 5000 refugees.

          6. Benny completely ignored my 5.

          7. He tried to glibly dismiss my other points by invoking Ami Kaufman’s article.

          8. I then pointed out to him that Ami’s article does not even address the point that I am making and in fact, he corroborates (unintentionally) the FACTS which I raised.

          9. Benny then just went into denial mode.


          In that instance, Benny did not go into obfuscation mode because he thought that the thread would just be buried within the myriad of other threads and it would be out of sight and out of mind…

          Unfortunately for him though, I did not let it die. In subsequent threads (as in this one), I kept on reminding him off it. And in those threads, our intrepid Benny proceeded into the obfuscation mode and maybe even into the sock puppet mode…

          Anyway, if Benny would be a normal, agenda free, debater, he would at the least concede that I MAY have a point. He need not give up his position entirely but he could say something like…

          “…Yea Gustav, you MAY have a point maybe I was too hasty to claim that Abbas would agree to token ROR. We don’t really know either way. We will just have to wait and see…”

          I would have been happy with a response like that and I would not have pursued the discussion further. But as it is…

          Reply to Comment
      • Tojo

        Ben, you realize that these cartoons contain many rascist stereotype. Right? How,do you reconcile this? Thank you. I will hang back and learn.

        Reply to Comment