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COMIC: Why even god can't reach a two-state solution

By Eli Valley

Eli Valley GENESIS

More from Eli Valley:
A Passover lesson: ‘And then we were free’

Eli Valley is a writer and artist whose work has been published in New York Magazine, The Daily Beast, Gawker, Saveur, Haaretz and elsewhere. He is currently finishing his first novel. Eli’s website is www.EVComics.com and he tweets at @elivalley.

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    COMMENTS

    1. Vadim

      Yes, this is exactly how it is.

      If only we had righteous leaders like Abbas or Haniyeh – then everything would have been so much better.

      Oh, and it’s Tetragrammaton, not Tetagrammaton. But I’m sure it was just an attempt to make the caricature character look sillier.

      Reply to Comment
      • Danny

        Abbas is more righteous than Netanyahu, and Haniyeh has more integrity than Lieberman and Bennett.

        Reply to Comment
        • Vadim

          Of course they are, Danny, of course they are.

          There’s obviously nothing better than leaders of Terrorist organizations.

          The blood of hundreds of civilians murdered by direct decree of these two marks them as truly great people.

          Reply to Comment
          • Danny

            Begin and Shamir, among many others of Israel’s most venerable leaders, were no less terrorists than Abbas and Haniyeh. You’re a hypocrite.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            The biggest killer that ever made it to Prime Minister of the State of Shame was not even Jewish.

            Reply to Comment
          • Vadim

            What a childish response. Even had I agreed with you that Begin and Shamir were worse, even then – so what? That still doesn’t change anything regarding Abbas and Haniyeh. The simple truth is this – if there’s a hell, there’s a pool of lava waiting for them. Maybe others will join them and maybe not, but these two will surely burn.

            Now let’s compare my line of though with yours –
            I said – the comic shown here is silly, because Abbas and Haniyeh surely share part (or all of) the blame for the failure to achieve peace. Blaming everything on Netanyahu is beyond silly. That’s why I referred to the above-mentioned terrorists, they are also to blame for the situation we’re in.

            You said – Vadim said something bad about The Glorious Leader Abbas and The Great Leader Haniyeh. There’s nothing I can say, so let’s mention two Israeli leaders, active decades ago, dead for more than 20 years, one that signed a peace treaty and call them terrorists as well. Because if there were terrorists in Israeli history, no Israeli may ever call someone else a Terrorist.

            So, who’s the hypocrite?

            Reply to Comment
      • Daniel

        No Kidding???

        Reply to Comment
    2. shachalnur

      Hold on ,they’re working on it.

      Times of Israel today

      “Controversy lurks as scholars suss out original Biblical text”.

      “…the Hebrew Bible-including the Torah,the first five books-is riddled with corruptions and alterations that have accrued and been past down over the millenia”.

      They’re gonna start of with Cain and Abel.

      Cain,before he slays Abel, speaks but “offers no dialogue”.

      Recently discovered video footage shows there was a dialogue after all and it’s all a big misundertanding.

      Cain;”How did you find me?”
      A certain Bill;”I’m the man”

      Cain;”You and I have unfinished bussiness”
      Bill;”Baby,you ain’t kidding”

      Bill;”How do I look”
      Cain; “You look ready”

      Bill;”Pai Mei taught you the five point palm- exploding heart technique”
      Cain;”Of course he did”
      Bill;”Why din’t you tell me”
      Cain;”I don’t know…because I’m a bad person”
      Bill,”No,you’re not a bad person.You’re a terrific person.You’re my favorite person,but every once in a while,you can be a real c#nt”.

      And many more “corrections” from atheist 1897 Zionist revisionist to come,anything to make 1897 Zionism look like it’s Judaism.

      Reply to Comment
      • Vadim

        “anything to make 1897 Zionism look like it’s Judaism”

        1. Are you aware of any other Zionism besides the 1987 model?
        2. Why on earth would anyone want to make Zionism look like Judaism? Zionism is a national movement, Judaism is both a religion and a nationality. See the difference?

        Reply to Comment
        • shachalnur

          1. Try the Rambam(Maimonides).

          2.Do I take it that you agree 1897 Zionism is not Judaism?

          Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            “Do I take it that you agree 1897 Zionism is not Judaism?”

            What a question. As if you didn’t know the answer.

            Zionism is a national movement of the majority of the Jewish people. Judaism is a religion it is a belief system about God and how to worship God. Two different things entirely.

            There are secular, religious, left wing and right wing Zionists. The common denominator among all Zionists is the claim to Eretz Israel as the national homeland of the Jews and as the legitimate focus for the Jewish national self-determination.[14] It is based on historical ties and religious traditions linking the Jewish people to the Land of Israel.[15] Zionism does not have a uniform ideology, but has evolved in a dialogue among a plethora of ideologies.

            Only racists like you Shachalnur and JG are against Zionism which is a national movement of the majority of the Jewish people but are fully comfortable with the Palestinian Arab national movement. I call people like you racists because you condone Arab national movements but not a Jewish national movement.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            So if 1897 Zionism is not Judaism,what is it?

            In 1945 there were 13,5 million Jews worldwide(assimilation rates at 4 %),and most were not Zionists.

            Today there are still 13,5 million Jews worldwide,and taking Jewish birthrates since 1945 into account ,there should be 30 million people born Jewish today worldwide.

            Where are they?

            17 million Jews have decided ,for whatever reason ,to take distance from 1897 Zionist controlled Judaism.

            Add to that the millions of Jews that are anti-1897 Zionism,for religious reasons or reasons of conscience.

            2/3 of Jews alive today rejected your non-Jewish suicidal ideology.

            I hope you are aware most Jews before WW2 saw 1897 Zionism as a program to exterminate the Jewish people,and there’s not much ,after 70 years ,that proves them wrong.

            You are free to occupy,ethnically cleanse,humiliate and commit Ethnocide on the Palestinians,and face the consequences,but please,don’t call it Judaism or claim you are representing the Jewish people.

            You are a criminal ,racist,atheist sect of Banker Slaves endangering the lives of more than 20 million people born Jewish,occupying, humiliating and killing millions of Palestinians ,holding the world’s Jews hostage to your sick non-Jewish Utopia.

            You can try to convert fast-track any amount of Russians and Protestants to make up the numbers,you’re still a criminal murderous sect that hyjacked Judaism in order to wipe it out for your sponsors.

            You can put lipstick on a pig,it’s still a pig.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            “In 1945 there were 13,5 million Jews worldwide”

            Thanks for trying to exaggerate our numbers, Shakalnur but there were no more than about 9.5 million Jews in 1945. Possibly even less than that. But who was counting?

            The bottom line is that the only place where our numbers are rising is in Israel. Yet, people like you Shakalnur are siding with our enemies and are doing your damnest to undermine our existence. That is why I don’t think you are Jewish. Yes there are plenty of Jews in the diaspora who are not Zionist enough to make Aliyah but most of those too are sympathetic to us. Except maybe a few hardened leftists and a few who are part of a bigotted extremist religious sects. I guess you could be one of those too but who cares? The bottom line is that you are our enemy and as such, you can say whatever you like but it may as well be water off a duck’s back for all we care. You know why? Because you cannot be trusted.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            “Who’s counting” LOL.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            You certainly are not conting because you deliberately inflated our population in 1945 in order to try to prove your lie.

            But hey Shachalnur, we are now used to your lies. The only words that are not lies by you are the words that you don’t speak (post).

            Reply to Comment
    3. Rab

      Well Eli, good for you. You have a supporter in Shachalnur, a psychotic antisemite. You should be pleased.

      By the way, this would have been more to the point if you had used the proper name, Judea and Samaria. “West Bank” is just a name given this territory, which promised to the Jews by the League of Nations and reaffirmed in the UN Charter (even if you think it was God), by TransJordan when it sought to violate the terms of the Mandate and the Partition Plan in occupying Judea and Samaria in 1948.

      Always glad to be of service.

      Reply to Comment
      • JG

        RabBarGinger must know about psychotics. The schizo ones, like herself

        Reply to Comment
      • Felix Reichert

        Are you high, Rab?

        The territory nowadays known as the “West Bank” was never promised to “the Jews” by the League of Nations.

        (I’m assuming you forgot a “was” in your sentence, otherwise it makes even less sense)

        Reply to Comment
        • Rab

          The “was” is missing.

          I’m not crazy at all. ALL of Mandatory Palestine was supposed to be the Jewish national home, but the 1922 League of Nations specifically divided Mandatory Palestine into the section east of the Jordan River and the part to its west. The part to the east was for the British to do with as they see fit, which they did in giving it to the Arabs. The part to the west is intended to be the Jewish national home. Since everything that went on back then was driven by the British and the French, it appears that they sewed up this outcome before it went up for a vote.

          The important part here is that the League of Nations never changed the goals of the Mandate, and it was grandfathered into the UN Charter in article 80. Also, and this is critical, in a secret testimony during the Peel Commission’s research in the late 1930s, Churchill acknowledged that the goal, when the Mandate was developed, was to enable a Jewish majority to evolve and for this parcel of land to become a Jewish state.

          Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            Whatever happened to the Balfour Declaration?

            For decades this letter,where the British FM promised land occupied by Turkey to a private British Banker called Rothschild,was the basis of Israel’s creation.

            And you know what? That deal is still in force.

            A bunch of Banker Slaves were allowed to lease land off a private Banker,who owns and uses this land ,and a load of atheist racist Banker Slaves of Ashkenazi Jewish descent, for his bigger plans.

            Now he doesn’t need you anymore,you’ve become a liability to him,and he has pushed the (self)destruct button.

            Thankfully 2/3 of people born Jewish world wide have taken distance from 1897 Zionist controlled Judaism,waiting for you to return to real(religious) Jewish values.

            Waiting for the gaping wound to heal and become a scar before it kills all of us.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            “Waiting for the gaping wound to heal and become a scar before it kills all of us.”

            Worried for your damned hide are you shachalnur? Don’t worry, we all have to die someday. Yes, you too, LOL.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            Is that a threat?

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            No of course not you toom toom, paranoid idiot. What do you think? I can harm you by remote control over the internet?

            Then again, you do believe in the invasion of the body snatchers. So you probably believe that I have supernatural powers.

            Hey, maybe I can sticks pins into your effigy? LOL, nah, you are too trivial. I won’t waste my powers on you.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            I already spend time imprisoned in Israel for my opinions(Yes,Israel imprisons non-Israeli Jews for their activities on the Internet),and I know of several Jews who have been silenced by your criminal organization for their opinions.

            It’s easy for people like you to figure out who and where I am.

            By now I recognize a threat if I see one.

            You better get a grip of yourself.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            “You better get a grip of yourself.”

            LOL. I should get a grip of myself? I am not the one who is sounding paranoid around here. Are you high on something, Shachalnur? You better take a break, the internet seems to worsen your already super healthy paranoia. Wow dude, you really are something to behold.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            I’ve had enough of your stalking and threats.

            You back off,and play with yourself from now on.

            I’ll inform the blog on the fact you’re crossing the line of what I’m prepared to accept from sociopaths like you.

            I’ve got small children to take care of.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            What threats? What stalking? You really are paranoid.

            Reply to Comment
    4. Danny

      Pretty much sums it up in a tongue-in-cheek way. The American Jewish leaders are spot on. They are just a bunch of old Jews with holocausts on their brains (understandable, since they grew up during the 30’s and 40’s). But the new generation of American Jews are going in a different direction.

      Reply to Comment
        • Danny

          With Sheldon Adelson’s dirty billions, why would donations ever dry up? Your nightmare is that Shelly is a decrepit old man who will probably leave us pretty soon. Ditto for all the other alter kockers who raise billions for Netanyahu’s Israel.

          Who will raise your billions in 20 years?

          Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            Shelly is in trouble in the US.

            Some important people are pissed off about his attempted coup,together with Bibi,in 2012.

            He’s making it clear he’s prepared to spend a lot of money next time around.

            That’s why Rand Paul is drooling all over Shelly and the Jewish State of Shame.

            Shelly’s maffia activities are being investigated by a grand jury in L.A.,maybe more, and the word is they’ll let him go to Israel.

            He already bought most of the media in Israel,as an insurance for future fashlot.

            Israel is gonna have fun with that creep.

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            Yea, right. Donations double purely because of a few billionaires? You just keep on deluding yourself.

            Have you ever been to New York during Yom Ha’atzmaut? Who are all those people who are marching on the streets supporting Israel?

            Reply to Comment
          • Danny

            Yup, donations doubled because of the billionaires. Middle class Jews don’t give that much, especially the liberals (and most U.S. Jews are liberals). On the other hand, most of the alter kocker billionaires are staunch Likudniks and friends of the Bibi.

            Support for Israel among U.S. Jews is clearly on the decline:

            http://mondoweiss.net/2014/05/israel-religious-garrison.html

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            LOL, Danny. A poll by Mondoweis? Surely you can find a slightly less partial source than that lunatic fringe group?

            Here look at what the Gallup poll says about where the American public’s sympathises are. Not just Jewish sympathies:

            http://www.gallup.com/poll/161387/americans-sympathies-israel-match-time-high.aspx

            “One of the more notable aspects of the trend is the steady increase in relative support for Israel over the past decade, at the same time that the percentage with no opinion or favoring neither side has declined. Preference for the Palestinians has been relatively flat, generally in the mid- to high teens, before this year.”

            Oh and those thousands of Jewish people and their non Jewish friends who march in New York in Yom Ha’atzmaut. That must hurt you so, Danny? Lo? Ohhhh the agony. I so feel your pain, LOL.

            Reply to Comment
          • shachalnur

            sick

            Reply to Comment
          • Tzutzik

            Sick? LOL, I know it makes you sick. The level of support that Israel enjoys amongst ordinary Americans. Not just Jewish Americans.

            Reply to Comment
          • Danny

            Did you read it? It’s not Mondoweiss saying it, it’s Foreign Policy editor David Rothkopf. He’s the prototypical American Jew, who after a recent visit to Israel is becoming disillusioned with it and where it is headed. He’s a zionist who thinks Israel is being run into the ground. And he represents American Jewish values infinitely better than Shelly Adelson ever could.

            And that Gallop poll is from 2013, way before Israel flipped the bird using both hands to Kerry and Obama. I’d like to see those numbers today.

            Happy Yom Hatzmaut to you. I hope you enjoyed the siren calls.

            Reply to Comment
    5. Tzutzik

      “And that Gallop poll is from 2013, way before Israel flipped the bird using both hands to Kerry and Obama. I’d like to see those numbers today.”

      LOL and now it is 2014, eons later?

      Which bit of “trends” don’t you understand, Danny?

      TREND 1: Donations of American Jews DOUBLED in the last 20 years!

      TREND 2: Level of support for Israel in America, not just amongst American Jews, has been rising for years.

      Poor Danny. It is painful for you isn’t it? I am hitting you right between your eyes with reality. I am certainly enjoying THAT, LOL.

      Reply to Comment
    6. WHAT? SANITY? IT CAN’T BE REAL. WAKE ME IF AIPAC SHUTS DOWN. J ST TOO. ONLY WANTS A FREEZE. DEFROST. FREEZE DEFROST. FREEZE DEFROST AD NAUSEUM.

      Reply to Comment
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