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Bennett goes berserk in response to facts in German

Leader of national-religious Jewish Home party Naftali Bennett (photo: Yotam Ronen / Activestills.org)

Leader of national-religious Jewish Home party Naftali Bennett (photo: Yotam Ronen / Activestills.org)

Jewish Home leader and Economics Minister Naftali Bennett could not stand it when European Parliament President Martin Schulz criticized Israeli policy earlier this week. But what ticked him off even more was that Schulz told “lies,” such as that Palestinians have less water than Israelis – and in German!

Apparently, Mr. Bennett can’t bear to hear facts, let alone in the German language. But to make sure, I met with the minister in the Knesset for a quick interview to check this thesis, with the help of Google Translate. The following is the transcript of our (imaginary) meeting:

Ami Kaufman: Mr. Bennet, thank you for taking the time to meet me.

Naftali Bennett: I’m not meeting you, you just barged into my office. Get the fuck out of here, you self hating Jew.

AK: I will, if I can just quickly ask you a few questions, I’ll—

NB: —Security!! There’s a leftist in my office!

AK: OK, OK, I’m going. I just want your response to this: “Die Welt ist rund”.

NB: Take that back. Take that back right away.

AK: “Zwei plus zwei gleich vier”.

NB: Security will be here any second, you better apologize for that one. Now!

AK: “Wasser gefriert bei null Grad Celsius”.

NB: Lies! Lies, I tell you!

AK: “Israel praktiziert Apartheid in der Westbank”.

NB: Get over here you—

AK: —Achhh… ugggg… you’re choking me… accchhhh…Mr. Bennet…

When reality becomes hate speech: President of EU Parliament visits Israel
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(This post is satire.)

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    1. Danny

      AK: “Ich habe eine Gurke in meiner Tasche.”

      NB: Really? Can I see it?

      Reply to Comment
    2. Rehmat

      Next thing we may hear that Israeli government has declared Martin Schulz persona non grata – as it did to German Nobel Laureate, Guenter Grass, in 2012.

      Dr. Grass’ crime was though more serious than Schulz. In his poem, Grass claimed that Israel and not Iran, is the greatest threat to world peace.


      Reply to Comment
    3. Hilarious.
      Almost expected you to end on a “Herr Bennett” rather than Mr. Bennett, but I understand, safety first. 🙂

      Reply to Comment
      • 🙂 Thanks, Mo

        Reply to Comment
    4. Shar

      Westbank = Westjordanland 🙂

      Reply to Comment
    5. directrob

      [no satire]
      The real lier is course of Martin Schultz, if Germany and the EU could care they would bite not bark. As long as the US supports Israel as a strategic partner the EU will not really hurt Israel. The US simply does not allow it.
      [no satire]

      Reply to Comment
    6. bob frisby

      My Grandmother didn’t suffer the horrors of the Holocaust, it’s true. She had a small tobacconists just off the Tottenham Court Road in London throughout the war years. But it might have been her, being rounded up and carted off. It could easily have been her. New evidence, based on the findings of both psychologists and historians, suggest that in many important ways, it was her. After all, we are one people. We live as one, think as one and suffer as one. And Mr Bennett seems to understand this point very well. He’s trying to defend Israel’s democracy from outside voices, from outside influences which otherwise might change people’s minds. Our minds are fine as they are, Mr Shultz. We don’t need your so called ‘enlightenment’ thinking in Israel!

      Reply to Comment