The Arabs are backward and Muslims want to destroy the world. And then there was that diagram. Comedian Amer Zahr breaks down Netanyahu’s UN speech.
By Amer Zahr
This week, Benjamin Netanyahu delivered a speech in front of the General Assembly of the United Nations. As a Palestinian, I tuned in. It’s my duty. Plus, I say the guy’s name at least 3-4 times a day (I won’t tell you how), so the least I could do was to listen to his speech.
He started innocently enough, referring to how Israel is the ancestral homeland of the Jewish people, their deep history, and their innovation. No problem. He called Jerusalem Israel’s “eternal capital.” Whatever. He said the Jewish people will “never be uprooted again.” Fine. “We restored our independence,” he said. Well, Israel wanting to “restore” its independence from 3,000 years ago is kind of like Barack Obama saying he’d like to “restore” the “hope” from four years ago. Some things happened along the way that complicated the matter a little.
But I always knew that Benjamin Netanyahu was a proud Israeli who used history to make political points. Nothing surprising here.
Then Bibi began to describe the current war between the “modern and the medieval.” He told us that modernity “seeks a bright future in which the rights of all are protected,” while medievalism seeks to “suppress knowledge” and “glorify death.” He spoke of Israeli inventions and praised Israeli innovation. I will note, as my dad constantly reminded me, that the medieval Islamic world did invent algebra, chemistry, universities, chess, shampoo, surgery, numbers, and coffee. Yes, Starbucks is entirely our fault. Oh, and we invented flying carpets, so take that!
Of course, according to him, the war between modernity and medievalism is most “stark” in the Middle East, and Israel is, of course, on the side of modernity. Translation: Jews, good… Arabs, Muslims, bad.
I always knew Bibi didn’t like Arabs and Muslims. It’s actually a job requirement for Israeli prime minister. So nothing shocking here.
Netanyahu then delved into the Palestinian-Israeli peace process. In order to solve the conflict, he told us all parties should avoid “libelous speeches” and “unilateral declarations.” But he called us a “demographic threat.” That’s pretty defamatory, mister. Israel “unilaterally” pulled out of Gaza and blockaded it. It “unilaterally” built more settlements and “unilaterally” united Jerusalem. It even “unilaterally” declared hummus the Israeli national snack! I don’t remember any negotiations about that.
He also said, “We have to sit together, negotiate together, and reach a mutual compromise, in which a demilitarized Palestinian state recognizes the one and only Jewish State.” It kind of sounds like he’s already decided the outcome of the “mutual compromise.” And why did he say it’s the “one and only” Jewish state? Is New York City trying to make a claim?
But I always knew Bibi held monumental double standards when it came to Palestinians and Israelis, so none of that stuff startled me.
But he couldn’t stop talking about those backward Muslims. He told us that “the medieval forces of radical Islam” want to “end the modern world,” namely Israel, Europe, and America. Perhaps he doesn’t know that those Arabs and Muslims hold a party whenever they get a visa to the United States. And if they get a green card, they set off fireworks. Maybe he thinks they’re just having one last big strategy session before they set sail, getting one last lesson on explosives.
He compared radical Islam to the Nazis. Now that’s just unfair. Muslims don’t have any kind of universal hand gestures, unless you count that circular hand motion they make when they’re fighting about who should go through the door first.
Then he started talking about nuclear weapons and Iran. “To understand what the world would be like with a nuclear-armed Iran, just imagine the world with a nuclear-armed Al Qaeda.” Really? Al Qaeda? We’re supposed to believe the group that conducts military exercises on a playground could build a nuclear weapon? They can’t even run a good boot camp.
And let’s be real. Al Qaeda is not doing that well. Every week CNN tells me, “Today, a military strike killed Al Qaeda’s number two man.” There’s really no job security in that organization.
He spoke of how close Iran is to producing a nuclear bomb, and how the world must act now to stop them. Then he claimed to know how close Iran is to achieving its goal of world destruction.
Then Bibi said, “I brought a diagram.” Now this is new. Israelis are not known for diagrams. They usually hate maps and annoying things like borders. This was totally new for me. I started to get interested.
Now I always thought Netanyahu was a little imbalanced, but I didn’t think he was completely insane until he held up a drawing of circle with a squiggly black line coming out of it and said, “This is a bomb, this is a fuse.” I felt like I was watching an episode of “The Road Runner.” But I have to call Bibi out on this lie as well. I’m an Arab, and I can tell you with some authority, that is not what a bomb looks like.
Now, Bibi knows exactly what a bomb looks like. And he knows what a nuclear bomb looks like too. It is estimated that Israel could have up to 400 nuclear bombs in its arsenal. But the “only democracy in the Middle East” has a policy of “opacity” when it comes to its nuclear program. In other words, no one gets to know anything about Israel’s nuclear program, but everyone has to know everything about Iran’s.
Israel has refused to sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. And in case anyone was wondering, every state in the “modern” world has signed it. In fact, almost every “medieval” Islamic nation has signed it too.
I have an important piece of paper I’d like to show the prime minster of Israel. And there’s something I need to tell him about it:
“This is a treaty, this is where you sign it.”
The author is a Palestinian-American residing in Dearborn, Michigan. He is a comedian and graduate of the University of Michigan Law School.
Related:
Bibi and the bomb: Buffoonery or clever tactics at the UN?
Bibi’s ACME bomb at UNGA inspires Israeli meme artists
Why I hate those Bibi memes
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Jack
Lets look at which group he directed his message to, predominately to western public. And like any other populist politician in the west, being anti-muslim/arab is popular these days – thats what generate support, he played on these tunes to get more supporters on Iran, Hezbollah, Hamas, he although overplayed it to the absurd sense.
He also forgot to mention that if it wasnt for the invasion of Lebanon and if it wasnt for the initial support and blockade of Gaza, these parties wouldnt be a problem for Israel and the continued occupation generate radicalism.
Its also interesting that he use the lousy thoery of clash of civilization, only used by people that actually want a war between the cultures, pitted against each other.
And calling people medieval, death-lovers and such, is cut from the same cloth as the palestinians-are-savages-ad in the NYC. Which in turn is cut from the rhetoric colonialists used 100s of years ago to entitle the blacks and other in their view, inferior groups of people.
the other joe
I would be amazed if anyone thought that speech was anything but a joke. Even his supporters must have been embarrassed.
noam
nice. and actually funny! that’s a first for 972.
Greg Pollock
I suggest a new code phrase for those worried about the trajectory of Israel: “Beep beep!”
Richard Witty
“Translation: Jews, good… Arabs, Muslims, bad.”
I was actually surprised that he did not do what you emphasized.
In my take on the speech, his point was between fanatics and moderates, with praise for the democratic assertions demanding accountability and freedom, and trust in the rational deliberation of electorates to make their best informed decisions.
I’m NOT a supporter of Netanhyahu, but I thought most of his comments were compelling for the questions raised, if not the answers.
I DO believe that Iran is aggressing on Israel, and although it contains elements of moderate electoral democracy, it also grossly and officially fundamentally suppresses moderate electoral approaches. And, most importantly, in granting policy formation and veto power to a non-democratic (hopefully rational, not permanently confidently rational) power structure.
daniel
not really funny, and not even accurate. Keep our eyes tightly shut and ignore radical Islam – it will do you as much good as it did the liberals in Egypt.
sh
The “liberals” in Egypt will fight back, those in Tunisia are fighting back, it’s not the end of the story, Daniel, but the beginning of it. The word evolution takes up most of the letters of revolution. And a lot more time to unfold than typing it does.
joop jansen
Critism on Israel in part.Netanyahu: Enough of your stereotypical, volatile, emotional responses of ‘Jew hater’ to anyone who voices an informed criticism of the dominance of Jews in US politics.
Puerile attempts at emotional blackmail no longer wash with many thinking people.
These vile knee-jerk attacks of ‘anti-semite’, ‘jew hater’ have worked in the past, but no longer. Do you think I care a lot whether you think reasonable people having a reasoned discussion are ‘jew haters’ simply because they don’t see you as the ‘poor victims’ any longer? An increasing number of people are seeing through the pathetic Jewish pantomime and your psychotic need to always present yourselves as the victims.
Time to ditch that particular tactic….it ain’t working any moreThe Jews have milked the holocaust for all it is worth, and more. It has literally made them billions and billions of dollars, and has enabled them, through emotional blackmail and playing the victim, to get away with things which no other country or people would ever have got away with. US alone has given Israel literally hundreds and hundreds of billions of dollars, and continues to subsidise Israel even today, when the country is broke and American and European people are facing dire economic hardship.
Tamer Ibrahim
That’s all very funny…but beyond the humor and jokes the fact remains we are medieval. We are corrupt. We are unaccountable.
Notwithstanding the contributions made by Arab society a few centuries ago – our universities today are a joke (at best). In Cairo, a man like Dr. Magdi 3eoub is treated with disdain because he’s Christian. Corruption and cronyism has ensured that only the spineless reach positions of influence.
Politically – our governments sell out their populations and not even to the highest bidder. Egypt’s sale of natural gas to Israel. Jordan sold out the Palestinians in hopes of gaining the West Bank. The Hashemites have been whores since they were kicked out of Syria.
Speaking of whores – would you like to discuss the amount culture or education that you can find in the Gulf? Saudi? Kuwait? Bahrain?
Listen – you can sit and crack jokes in Michigan all you want (I LOVE comedy). But go live with our tribe for 10 years like I did then come back and tell me Zionist do not deserve their position in the world today. They are organized, united and effective. Arabs on the other hand…well…I can’t even tell what makes an Arab anymore. We have no unity. No organization. We will stab each other in the back at the drop of a shekel.
Yaron
Amer, how come you are so offended by Bibi’s speech? Is it so hard to distinguish between yourself and the unelected and unreliable leaders of the countries of the Middle East? Btw, Iran is even not an Arab country, and as far as I can remember, Bibi did not connect the Arab people to his statements. He only talked about islamists, although I do not agree with his strong wording. But you seem to be as stung by a scorpion. Are you an islamist? I believe you are not. Islamists don’t try to be funny.
You fell into another trap. The one that Iran has set up for you and the other people that will make you think that Iran will give up its nuclear ambitions when Israel would give up its nuclear arms (you even dont ask for that; you only want them to sign the treaty. Why?)
The leaders of Iran want to destroy Israel. This is what they say all the time. Can you give me a sign that there is reason not to believe them? And even if you can give me this sign, why should I believe you and not those lunatic ayatollahs that keep on saying: destroy, destroy!
I am sorry, but even though Bibi is not my friend, I think he is correct in protecting the state. As has been pointed out here, ANY state will have the obligation to protect itself especially when the threat is so real and outspoken.
And thinking about his speech: he actually did back down, probably under pressure of the US. After continuously stressing that the window of opportunity for a strike was closing, he gave Iran more time. Not that it will help change the situation, I fear.
Deborah
“Amer, how come you are so offended by Bibi’s speech?”
You’re right. The speech is so silly and stupid that it doesn’t reach the standard of “offense.”
I thought Amer was satirizing the speech, which is exactly what it deserves.
jjj
1st, funny and clever.
2nd, as a Zionist, I was embarrassed, too, by Bibi’s ridiculous speech.
His arrogant approach for smart Israeli’s (Jews…) vs. unsmart others,
that’s really an insult to intelligence.
It is rather obvious, that most leaders of radical Islamist groups
are well educated, far above Bibi himself.
(take Egypts president Dr. Morsi, or even Ahmadinajad himself, for example).
However, a fact is a fact:
a. Iran strives to obtain nuclear weapons.
That’s pretty obvious.
b. Iran strives to destroy Israel.
That’s pretty obvious, too, they even say so.
They are the most outspoken nation in the world
saying it as loud as possible.
So, 1+1 is 2 = Iran + Nukes = Israel gone.
Although this would please many of the readers of this site,
I think Israel has the right to defend itself.
Now, for the remaining parts:
1. Islam’s contribution to science are in the golden era,
where really modern and rational thinking prevailed.
However, the radical Islamists today reject it since modern
thinking usually comes with modern liberal ideas….
That’s the same for all conservative forces in the world,
including Jewish Haredim which continue to grow the walls
of separation.
2. Undeniably, radical Islamists promote Jihad, in its most
violent form. This is also, pretty obvious.
3. And on the other hand – Israel’s nukes are well justified:
– many of its neighbors preach and promote its destruction, actively.
Only Iran, though, is on the very verge of getting nukes of its own.
The nukes, are therefore, the dooms day weapon, in anticipation that
day would never come…
– Israel is the most hated country in the world, thanx to the Arab
world. Even Syria, today, is more popular, although many more deaths
are involved.
– Israel does not intend to conquer anything.
It does not intend to destroy anything.
If any, it showed time and time again its willing to give
territories in exchange for a peace agreement.
(Israel is, unfortunately not entirely clean, to say the least,
but, it is as far from being a pure evil as any other western state)
Devon
You started off ok, but then you lost me when you commented on what was obvious. There has been no proof, NONE, that Iran is enriching uranium for anything other than peaceful purposes. Having said that, with the two biggest bullies, U.S. and Israel constantly threatening to blast them into orbit and already conducting acts of war (sanctions and embargoes) I’d be shocked if they didn’t have plans for a bomb. Having said that, Ahmadinejad has repeatedly said, “Iran would have to be stupid to build one nuclear bomb to the U.S’s 8000+ and Israels’ 200-400+ nukes. He can say and think what he likes about Jews, he can’t act on it. He doesn’t make those decisions. He will never call for war against any country as he doesn’t have the power.
In response to Israel not intend t destroy anything, what do you call Palestine. What do you call the settlements. Israel needs to or has the right to defend itself from what. It’s the biggest threat to peace in that region. It has invaded every single one it’s neighbors all under the guise of protecting itself. It’s the same bs this country uses. Stop inflicting yourself on everyone around you and you won’t need protection. The Sinai Penninsula is Egyptian land. The Golan Heights is Syrian land and they have no right to this. They’re in total violation of Geneva Conventions and have been condemned by the highest court in the land, namely the World Court, for the continued takeover of Palestian land with the settlements and the longest occupation in history of the Palestinian people. They (meaning Zionists) won’t be happy to every last one of the Palestinians takes their last breath.
This notion that Jewish people (which is a religion, not a blood line. No one is born a Jew, anymore than anyone is born a Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, etc. You are raised to be Jewish) are entitled to any stretch of land because Jewish people once lived there a grillion years ago, is absurd. Lots of people lived there. The torah/bible is not a land deed. It’s a book of stories and those stories only have value if you follow the religion from which they come.
The people of Israel are entitled to nothing any more or less than any other human being on the planet. At this point, they have only responsibilities to the Palestinians to pay reparations. And to stop threatening everyone around them. They can defend themselves like anyone else, but they have been and continue to the aggressors to everyone in the region. The bully is asking for sympathy and help. C’mon man.
And if this country (U.S.) stopped funding them, they couldn’t do half of what they do, so we are just as guilty.
Piotr Berman
“Israel does not intend to conquer anything.”
It reminds me an old cabaret song “What did I ever do to you, except for one tiny baby?”
Israel is an abstract entitity so it has no “will” or “intention”. Israeli politicians are people, hence endowed with such qualities, and annexation of this or that is frequently postulated. Additionally, many policies are illogical without intentions to annex (i.e. conquer).
“It does not intend to destroy anything.” No destruction, only demolitions?
“Israel nukes are well justfied” and Halacha is much superior to Sharia. If they are so justified, why was Vanunu so persecuted?
catblender
I enjoyed the piece for the most part, but the “New York City” as a Jewish state reference bothered me a little bit. Had some ring of “Jew York City” and “Hymietown to it”, and it’s not even close to majority Jewish. Mutters of secession are common among Tel Avivians, however.
Laurent Szyster
Yeah, Arabs and Muslims are not backward, we all know that.
They don’t genocide black people in Sudan, burn churches in Egypt, hang gays and stone adulterous women in Iran, kill the daugthers that “shamed” their families in Jordan, butcher each other mercilessly to decide who hold sway over Syria and they don’t slaughter each other like cattle along sectarian line in Irak.
Bibi and those evil zionists got it all wrong, Arabs and Muslims are enlightened, tolerant and peacefull peoples who believe in the rule of law and the sanctity of international treaties.
Look how peacefully Palestinian resolve their own internal conflict, how diligently they organize elections as soon as the competing political parties of Hamas and Fatah signed one agrement, then another, and another …
Why can’t Bibi trust Arabs and Muslims to be good neighbours ?
He must be racist, surely.