+972 Exclusive: The transcript of last week's State Department briefing on Israeli settlement building and U.S. efforts at restarting peace talks with the Palestinians. (Satire) Transcript of above State department press conference (video above): Associated Press: Ma'am, for many years now the common assumption has been that 2+2=4. Yet for some reason, your administration – and the ones before it – continue to say that 2+2=5. In light of growing evidence that the answer is indeed 4, will American policy on this equation change? State Department spokesperson: Again, we are not saying that 2+2 does not equal 4. We’re just…

Israeli media reports that Jewish settlers are complaining the tear gas from the weekly Friday demos across the West Bank is ruining their Sabbaths. +972 is revealing today that in fact this is a result of a new Palestinian strategy to be shot at during not only Fridays, but ahead of every holiday on the Jewish calendar. As reported this week, settlers in the West Bank are complaining that tear gas fired at Palestinians during weekly unarmed protests gets carried by the wind to their settlements and creates major discomfort for them on Fridays. But +972 has found out that…

Sunday The intercom buzzes outside of Izzie’s office in Jerusalem Secretary: Yes, Ms. Holyland? Izzie: Ruti, what’s on my schedule today? Secretary: Ms. Holyland today you have to convince your cabinet to vote for deporting 400 children who were born in Israel, speak Hebrew with an Israeli accent, were educated here but were unfortunate to have slanted eyes. Izzie: Gotcha. I’ll take care of it. Secretary: Anything else, Ms. Holyland? Izzie: No, that’s it. Oh, wait - did you tell the police I want that “el archive” or something demolished? Secretary: El Arakiv? Izzie: Yeah, that one. Secretary: Yes, Ms. Holyland, they’re…