Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology’s superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn’t stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.

I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of non-violent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day they multiplied exponentially! Now what?

This pepper spray is awesome! When used in a public area for the whole world to see, it causes Republicans to instantly forget the basic principles of freedom the country was founded upon. Their pea brains start creating hypocritical arguments supporting the oppressors like “the protesters are acting really mean by sitting on the grass”. They don’t realize how “mean” their beloved Founding Fathers were during their protests hundreds of years ago, or how “mean” the Civil Rights Movement was, or how “mean” the Vietnam War protests were, etc.